H-O-T

I am hot. Not in the “ooh dang look at me” type of hot, but the OMG I am sweating like a pig on slaughter day hot. Gross. I just got back from working out and there has been person after person in the bathroom, which means I haven’t been able to change out of these grungy workout clothes yet and I AM HOT. It would be nice if I could workout and then just go home, rather than having to come back to the office all flushed face-makeup sweated off-hot-and kinda tired feeling. However, I think at this point in my ‘fitness schedule’, it’s more productive for me to go during work, because I am not ready to forsake my time at home with Erik and our dogs.

But I am hoping that I am eventually going to venture into working out on the weekends and walking the dogs when I get home during the work days. But I will be honest – I know it will take me awhile to get to that point. I am still a bit lazy, though I did feel guilty not working out last Friday when the Center was closed. (Which is a good thing)

I want to be the type of person that doesn’t think twice about walking to town, walking home from the bar, walking around the mall for hours...I guess walking anywhere in general because right now I don’t really feel comfortable doing it. It’s embarrassing...but I will call it another reason to be motivated. :)

Weight Post:
Again, this is what my ‘big blog’ topic was about. Hmm. I am self-obsessing maybe.

Random Post:
Gawwwwwd some people are fake! Oooh and look how cute our dog Bear is - whenever the heat is blowing out of the vent I always put out a pile of blankets and he snuggles up and lays right next to it. Not that our house is freezing, but he likes being hot. Seriously. When it's like 80 degrees he still finds his way under the covers to sleep at the small of my back. Aww :)

Stick with it!

Ugh. The weekends are never good for me. I know I would be losing even more weight if I would at least stick to my diet plan on the weekend. I am thinking I will designate ONE day to be my “F-off” day that I can eat what I want, without going into binge-overboard mode, rather than stretching it out over the course of Friday night, Saturday and all the way thru Sunday. Not good. So I am going to work on that this week. I am now doing 20 minutes on the treadmill plus my weight training...I know it doesn’t sound like much to many people, but when I started I was barely able to do 12 minutes...seriously. So it’s actually exciting. Each week I am ‘upping’ everything. I need to do more though, because today I didn’t do my squats between each weight activity and I feel a bit guilty. I did do one whole minute on the elliptical. That thing is a bitch!!! But it’s still going well, and I feel really good about it. Why was I such a stubborn dumb ass and refused to help myself in this way months...hell, years, ago? I don’t know. But there’s no time like the present! :)

Weight Post:
I think I talk about my diet/weight/exercise too much. It’s just hard, because I am focusing so hard on it that I can’t help but talk about it. However, I need to focus on my goals more during the weekend. I am not even 1/100th of the way to my goal but I know it will just take time and hardwork!

Random:
Erik’s sister is engaged. I am NOT excited, or happy, about it at all :(

Blaaaaah.

I am annoyed today. Why? Well, it’s actually a culmination of things...a short list would include:

• I feel like a sloppy little pig. Oink.
• People give me mis-information and I end up looking like the stupid one. Don’t pass the buck.
• Guys wearing black jeans. That is a don’t.
• Being talked down to. Ass.
• When our house guests eat all of our food. Ok, MY food. Because I am on a diet, and you aren’t. So don’t eat my stuff yo.
• No one reads or comments on my blog. Maybe I should tell more people about it...
• People copying others outfits/hairstyles/shoes/etc. the day after the other person wore it. It’s obvious, really it is.
• Unresponsive emails. Ugh.
• Exaggerators. Shut up.
• People keep talking to themselves CONSTANTLY. Shut it!
• Irresponsible pet owners. Selfish selfish selfish!!!
• My hair. Why won’t it magically be perfect and luxurious?
  

Weight Post:
I’ve lost about 20 pounds. But I need a new scale, as it could be wildly inaccurate. I am down a size, in some pants, and not in others. That can be added to my list of annoyances. However, I am still happy with my progress and plan to keep working towards my goal. I am so tired of being embarrassed of myself and the way I look, it is such a shitty feeling.

Random Post: I have bits and pieces of that “Don’t Trust Me” song (part of the lyrics are “Shuush girl, shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips”) running through my head, but have you noticed that during the chorus, when they say “She wants to touch me, she wants to love me, she’ll never leave me” that in between those sentences it sounds like Scooby Doo saying “Ruuu ruuu”? Listen to it next time. Hehe.

Miss you

Today is 13 years since my Dad passed away (ok, technically step-dad, but I never called him that) and I miss him. I miss him more than I can even explain. I don't really have much to say about it right now, except that he was the best man I've ever known and we were lucky to have him in our lives...plain and simple. I love you Dad and miss you always!

Maybe not every day...

Ok, so I lied. Maybe I won't get to posting every. single. day...but a majority of the week isn't so bad. So...I don’t feel like working out today. I am feeling pretty ‘blah’ about the whole diet and exercise thing today. I slacked Friday all the way to this morning. Geez. What’s my deal? I think this is the funk I get into every time I try to get back in shape – I lose a little bit of weight to the point that I feel good about it. I think I am looking better, it’s noticeable, etc. and then I see myself in the mirror and am disgusted. Then I fall off the wagon, I get bummed and don’t care. Or, I feel like losing a pant size is decent enough that I can eat like crap for 3 whole days. How dumb on my part. So I’m back, ready to get the hitch back in my giddy up (is that how the saying goes?) and am working out today to get re-motivated. As much as I don’t really want to go, I KNOW it will make me feel better and if I keep putting it off I will be in the same downward spiral I was in a month ago. I was hoping I wouldn't be self-sabotaging myself I am scared I am heading in that direction, which is why I'm headed to the gym to clear my mind of all cookie-cake-ice cream-mashed potatoes & butter induced thoughts and focusing on being HEALTHY!!!

Weight Post:
I need to get a scale that works. And start weighing myself. And I should probably take some “before” photos to compare to eventually because I don’t plan on ever being this fat again.

Random Post:
I cannot decide on what to do with this mop on my head. Do I chop it off? Cut it? Dye it? I have a plethora of choices and can’t make up my mind.

Camel Toe.

Erik and I drove around the lake looking at houses just for fun for almost 2 hours last night...we had such a great time! I love driving with him because I truly enjoy his company and it's such a relaxing thing to do together. Then we stopped at the store and bought the ingredients to make homemade pizza, stopped and put air in my tire, saw some random weird guy walking around and I made Erik get in the car and lock the door (seriously...this dude was a CREEPER) and then we looked at a boat and then came home. It was a great night! I did laundry while Erik made supper, and our homemade pizza was AWESOME! I've never had any that was that good, seriously.

Then we watched Man vs. Food. Have you seen that show? It's pure gluttony. It's almost sickening. But we watch it all the time and make fun of the host and his piggish ways, because, how could you not? The guy is paid to eat tremendous amounts of food all over the country. We have starving children everywhere, but lets pay a guy to eat 12 'hotter than hell wings' in 10 minutes. Wow. Priorities, ya know.

Weight Post:
So, on the subject of eating...I am in a size smaller jeans...yay! Granted, they are still a little bit tight and camel toe is a scary reality when you have on tight jeans, but I haven't experienced that. So hopefully it stays that way. I am super excited about it, (the smaller jeans, not the camel toe) but I am even more excited to continue with my workout routine and eating habits (which need to be more strict!!!) and I look forward to when these pants are too big :)

Random Post:
I have Britney Spears 'If U Seek Amy' stuck in my head! "Love me, hate me, say what you want about me..."

Going on Day 2!

Oooh 2 days in a row. Impressive, right?

Weight Post:
I had biscuits with honey for breakfast this morning. Oops. I didn't drink my shake for lunch. Oops. And I stopped doing the rower on the weight machine because I feel like my forearms are getting a weird muscle in them...GROSS.

Random Post:
I am loving this weather!!!

Publish Post

Weight & Random

I am going to try to have an entry every day. Whether or not it’s interesting or worth reading will be up to you :)

I haven’t really decided what type of ‘blog’ I am writing...I thought about doing one based solely on my diet and exercise habits and the struggle that I will be venturing through on my quest for a healthier and smaller me, or if it’s filled full of random crap. We’ll see what happens. Maybe it will be both. I’m not very good at making decisions anyway.


Weight post of the day:
Hopefully, in the future, when I take pictures with our nephew (as shown on the left) I won't look like Jabba the Hut trying to eat Hans Solo. That's a pretty good goal to have in my opinion.

Random post of the day:
I think that I am seen as 'weak' by many people around me and it is driving me insane. Being nice does not equal being weak. Seriously.

Cookie Dough.

I am eating cookie dough for breakfast. Yes, you read that right. Cookie dough. And...it’s not home-made or Pilsbury pre-made...it’s Slim-Fast made. And...it's actually not that bad, all things considered.

I am on my third week of eating less, eating somewhat healthier, and exercising. However, the past few days have been a blur of glazed ham, cheesy potatoes, Easter candy and pop. This is clearly not helpful to my quite expanded waistline. Which, brings me to my point. I am having Slim-Fast cookie dough meal bar for breakfast and enjoyed every bit of it. Why? Because I am back on track, ready to rumble, happy to get back in the groove! I missed 4 days in a row of working out last week...what shame, seriously. I have lost weight – while it’s not a HUGE quantity, it’s something that Erik, his Mom, and my Mom have noticed, so it’s obviously working. Why ruin a good thing with laziness?

Working out makes me feel good, drinking water and not eating shitty food every day makes me feel good, losing weight makes me feel good, my clothes getting too big makes me feel good, and feeling as though I may have a chance at getting rid of my spare tires (yes, that is plural) and double chins (again, plural) makes me feel good...which means there is no excuse to not get back into my routine.

I Believe...

I received this email from a friend, and agreed with everything that was written...it was almost as if I had wrote it myself. I find it beautiful, inspiring and truthful...so I wanted to share. :)

I Believe... That just because two people argue, It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...That we don't have to change friends if We understand that friends change.

I Believe....That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe... That you can do something in an instant That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe....That it's taking me a long time To become the person I want to be.

I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe.... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe....That we are responsible for what We do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe....That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe....That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe....That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe....That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I Believe....That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...That you shouldn't be so eager to find Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe....Two people can look at the exact same Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...That your life can be changed in a matter of Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...That even when you think you have no more to give, when A friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe... The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything.

50 Facts!

This is something that my friend Sarah had on her blog, and I thought it would be kind of interesting to do. 50 facts is a lot to write about yourself! :)

1. I didn’t have a cavity until I was 18. And when I finally got one, I cried.
2. I don’t understand how people can stay in loveless relationships.
3. My Mom is absolutely amazing and has been through so much...she is a beautiful person, inside and out!
4. I think I’ve always worried too much.
5. I used to think it was my fault that my step-dad Stan passed away. Sometimes I still do.
6. I wish people would take better care of their kids and families.
7. I don’t have the guts to tell some people what I REALLY think of them and their decisions.
8. I think Diet Coke is better than regular Coke.
9. Magazines like US Weekly always seem to make their way into my store purchases...
10. I know exactly what I should eat and how I should exercise in order to be thin and healthy. I just haven’t done it yet.
11. Sometimes I feel as if my past never really happened.
12. There is only 1 person that really hurt me deeply, and I don’t think I will ever truly forgive them.
13. I sometimes inadvertently adopt my friends mannerisms and ways of speaking if I’m around them a lot.
14. I am a leader and a follower.
15. I am sarcastic and not everyone gets it. Or finds it funny. And that makes if funnier to me sometimes.
16. There are plenty of things in my past that I shouldn’t have done, but I don’t necessarily regret them.
17. The high school boys I had crushes on when I was in middle school turned out to be pervy losers. Haha!
18. I look at that glass as half empty so I’m usually not too disappointed.
19. Erik and I met at the bar, and we officially began dating at the bar. That sounds bad.
20. I know I’m too nice sometimes, but I’d rather be nice than rude.
21. I am starting to feel old.
22. There is nothing better than having money to spend and a Target to shop at!
23. We need to start a better savings account plan.
24. I’ve always been pretty spoiled...
25. Please and thank you should be used more often.
26. I am looking forward to eventually moving and owning our OWN house. I can’t wait!
27. I used to be blond, but I don’t think it’s ‘me’ anymore.
28. I can be really emotional.
29. I procrastinate. A lot.
30. I love having long nails and being able to paint them and have them look nice.
31. I worry about everything...I go overboard at times.
32. I am hoping to become more organized this year!
33. I’m VERY self conscious and get intimidated easily...but I try really hard not to show it.
34. I have the best Grandparents ever!
35. My desk is always messy at work, but I know where everything is.
36. I don’t like when people sigh really loudly at work to make everyone aware that they’re ‘busy’.
37. I often wonder how some people can get satisfaction from being so damn rude.
38. I get annoyed when people complain about their jobs all the time – be grateful you have one in the ecomony we live in right now!
39. It saddens me when kissing peoples asses seems to get people ahead in the job market.
40. I am trying to work out every night...slowly but surely.
42. I love naps, but I usually wake up from them crabby for no reason.
43. I love Christmastime! Not for the gifts, but for spending special time with family!
44. I am 100% myself around Erik, and that’s an awesome feeling!
45. I sometimes miss having blond hair.
46. I need to stop being such a pushover.
47. I could eat mashed potatoes every single day.
48. People that don’t treat their children, parents, animals, friends or coworkers with respect really really piss me off.
49. I’m usually the sober cab. That can get old very quickly.
50. I am a frequent user of exclamation points and “...” when I write!

Please allow me to barf at your pathetic urge for attention.

Ok, I just need to vent quickly and semi-quietly. As you know, my friend Jane has a brain tumor. It's terminal. The situation is bleak, it's been rough, it sucks, and all we want is for Jane to be comfortable and as happy as possible. She has a CaringBridge site which has allowed friends and family to wish her well, and also get updates on her status. However, some of these "friends" have used her message boards for personal use. What I mean by that is, "friends" are posting messages priding themselves on the nice things they have done for Jane, and making them sound 10 times more important to make themselves feel better and it makes me sick. Really, you need to go on and on about the nice things you've done or the expensive things you've bought or cooked for her? Shut up. Seriously. It completely sickens me. There was even a "friend" who called to let us know "how much Jane really enjoyed her company." WTF. Who SAYS that? And do you REALLY know that's how she felt? I mean, come on...I am really, really, really not trying to be a rude bitch, but it just makes me sick to my stomach that people would actually use this as a reason to pride themselves on their own shallow kindness and lame need for gratitude over such a serious situation. Unfortunately, when tragedy strikes, people come out of the woodwork to be a part of it. And I am in no means trying to say that it's not helpful, well appreciated, or not important. But please, if you are doing this for the right reasons, don't try to get more pats on the back, because this is not about you, this is about Jane.

2009 is here!

Wow...it's hard to believe that 2008 is already done and over with, and we have what many consider a 'fresh start' in 2009. To be honest, I've never been a big New Years celebrator, nor am I one that makes serious New Years resolutions. Though that could highly be due to the fact that I never keep them...yep, pretty sure that's what it is.

So how did I ring in the New Year you ask? Ok, you didn't ask, and maybe you don't care, but I'll tell you anyway. With my job, we work every New Years so there is not really a point to make huge plans to celebrate outside of work, because I'm usually exhausted by the time I get home!

I got to hand out Mardi Gras beads all night to our Guests, and we sure had some characters..I really did have a great time! I could have done without the guy asking if he needed to unzip his pants to get beads, or the creepy father-son team asking for kisses along with the beads...but it could have been worse. I could have received the "boop" that my coworker Randy got...so I am not complaining at all! It's kinda amazing to see the excitment and buzz within GCML waiting for the midnight countdown, the mad dash to get New Years party favors, and aww inducing kissy face afterwards :) I think it was a success, (except that the confettit throwers I was trying to use on the dancefloor at midnight weren't working and I looked like a complete ass standing out there flinging a cardboard tube with nothing coming out) and that is something everyone can be happy about!

And now Erik and I have been celebrating the first day of 2009 by snuggling on the couch, napping and playing with the dogs. HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)